A Fine Night for Tea and Bludgeoning by Beth Cato

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“A Fine Night for Tea and Bludgeoning” by Beth Cato originally appeared in the anthology Little Green Men Attack, but I first heard it on Escape Pod episode 661. Rosemary Hardy is a proper Victorian lady by day, but by night she takes part in a precursor to roller derby in which she battles other women while roller skating. Her life becomes strange after she meets a green-skinned alien named Elvis Wibbles.

There’s a lot of funny lines in this one. During a fight between toddlers, we’re told that “several baby teeth had made early exits.” At one point, Rosemary insults her rival’s pink dress: “Certainly, such a screaming shade of color violates laws of both civil and religious nature.” When her mother expresses shock that Rosemary has a gentleman caller, she replies, “If you’re unsure of the visitor’s gender, we could make the fellow drop trou.” I also liked when “Mama, in her excitement, had managed to baptize her lap in lukewarm tea.”

I highly recommend everyone check it out!

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